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Five Signs that Marriage is Not for You

5 Signs that Marriage is NOT for YOU!Can’t you picture it?  Dresses.  Flowers.  Bridesmaids.  Engagement parties.  Walking down the aisle to a sea of adorning witnesses.  The gasp at a glimpse of your beauty.  The awestruck audience that looks on lovingly as you say those two little words, “I do.”  Isn’t it lovely?  Don’t get me wrong, weddings are beautiful, but they aren’t made of the things that make a marriage last.  I’ve talked to many ladies whose training to be a bride far outweighs their preparation to be a wife.   I don’t want any one to make the mistake of getting married for the wrong reasons.

Here are five signs that marriage is not for you:

1.  You think that a spouse will make you happy. 

The truth about marriage is that the best marriages are selfless and the worst ones are selfish.  If you are looking for someone to make you happy and meet your needs, then you probably aren’t ready for marriage.  Marriages that last are the ones where spouses seek to serve one another. In the book, “Sacred Marriage” the subtitle says, “What if God designed marriage to make us holy more than to make us happy.”  Would you still want to sign up?  When you can honestly say yes, then you are ready!

2.  You think that the butterflies in your stomach are a signal of real love.

Love is not a feeling.  It is not a sensation in your nerve endings.  It is not a fanciful display of tweeting birds and candy canes.  Love is a choice!  It is the choice to be patient and kind; the choice not to envy, not be boastful, not be full of pride,  not dishonor each other, not be selfish, not be angered easily. Love doesn’t keep records of wrong and doesn’t take joy in evil things.  Love protects, hopes, and trusts forever!  No butterflies about it!  Real love never fails – even when people do!  (See the verses in 1 Corinthians)

 3.  You think divorce is a viable option if this doesn’t “work out.”

When you begin a relationship with your hand on the exit button, then it is a sign that you are not ready for marriage.  There is a couple that we look to for practical marital wisdom and one of the tenants they live by is, “We don’t even say the “D – Word.”  If you have already come up with an escape route before you meet him, then you probably aren’t ready to marry anyone.

4.  Your definition of a successful marriage comes from television and movies. 

I’ve heard people say, I want a husband just like Mr. Huxtable from the Cosby Show.  (Well, maybe not so much lately) I’ve heard people saying they want a prince charming or a Mr. Right.  Fictional characters as a standard will lead to real life disillusionment and real heartbreaking disappointment.  (Read my post about making wrong choices in love.) 

5.  You think you’ve got this marriage thing all figured out.  

Some single folks look at marriage and say, “How hard could it be?”  They think that all they have to do is …  Whatever you filled in the blank with is wrong.  Marriage IS NOT easy.  There is no formula and no real marriage expert (besides the one who created it, God!) So if you think that this marriage thing is easy, that is a sure-fire sign that you should wait on a reality check before tying the knot with anyone.

Just because you are not ready for marriage today does not mean that you won’t ever be ready.  Get to know God better and allow Him to show you the true path of love and His intent for marriage.  If His will is for you to be married then He will prepare your heart and mind for the known and unknown behind the words, “Until death do us part.”

For more on real love – check this out.  

Check out The Excellent Wife: A Biblical Perspective by Martha Peace (It is a great resource) 

 What are other ways to know if you are ready (or not) for marriage? Share a story or a warning sign.  Leave a comment below.  






  • This is so true! I ended up finding out the hard way.
    • Hi Felicia, Just because its been that way in the past doesn’t mean it has to be that way in the future. Today is a new day. 🙂
  • I truly believe that if God is put first you will always make the right decision on marriage and anything else you do.
    • Hi Myoshi! When you put God first, He will show you the next steps to take, whether it is marriage, or counseling, or run the other way! He speaks. We just have to listen. Thanks for your comment.
  • When you’re walking down the aisle and you want to run the other way.
  • Some people have a deluded idea about marriage (the fancy wedding, the happily ever after). The reality is that it is a lot of hard work and is constantly changing. You have to be patient, tolerant, and forgiving to make it work. If you truly love someone than it’s completely worth it!
    • So true Jessica, Its like a farmer that wants the harvest, but does nothing to take care of the seed. The work in the middle is what counts! Thanks for your comment.
  • Couldn’t be more true. I have been married for right around 5 years and I am no expert. But I do know it’s like anything else in life. If you want it bad enough you will work for it
  • You need to love and accept yourself first before deciding getting married. Marriage is never easy is an everyday effort to be better everyday but love conquers all when there is true love involved.
    • Hi Adriana, People who love themselves can love others well. Many people lack the capacity to show that kind of love to others because they despise themselves. Love is patient and kind. We have to be that way to ourselves before committing to forever with someone else. Thank you for your comment.
  • You better preach! More and More I realise that Marriage is for our holiness and not centrally for our happiness.
    • Absolutely Kim! (I love your blog by the way!) Marriage does something to our hearts that changes our outlooks on life. I was at a conference and the speaker said, “Marriage is God’s chosen metaphor on what He wants with our hearts eternally.” Wow! We get to model God’s love for His church with our marriages!
  • Yes! Love this. So very true. I have a few friends who don’t want to get married and are quite content, it isn’t for everyone.
  • I don’t beievve that marriage is for eveeyone. Some people are just not cut out for it, I’ve seen it in some of my friends. I even wonder why they got married, however, most of them are now divorced 🙁
    • Marriage is not for everyone, but I think there are not enough resources that are honest with people about their marriage readiness. Think about wedding shows – there are tons of dress shops, cake shops, djs, venues, but 0 counselors, marriage preparation experts. As soon as you get engaged you are bombarded into dream wedding and all the prep is for that one day – but where is the longevity planning.
  • Marriage is definitely more of a dangerous adventure and it should be taken as such. It is life or death. It requires as much counseling and prayer as you can get! Thank you for this post!
  • I don’t have it figured at all. My husband and I are going through a phase of something. I’ll admit I’ve been a negative b*tch but I am tired. I also feel like a neglected house plant. We’ll get past it I hope. For the kids and our relationship as I do love him. But marriage is work. You need to stick to the vows. Once there are kids you need to work extra hard for the sake of them.
    • Hi Erica, It sounds like you are struggling a bit. Know that all marriages have periods of struggle and you are not alone. There are some great resources at that speak to restoring togetherness in marriages (not just sex but unity in mind, body and spirit) I will be praying for you and your husband.
  • Great practical reminders for all of us – especially the young gals who think that when they watch “the storybook” pics and shows on TV – that’s how marriage is going to be!!!!!! Very good!
    • Hi Clare, Thanks for your comment. Marriage is hard work, but the work is a great investment! Stay tuned for more.
  • At this point, I don’t see myself getting married again. I’m in a long term and committed relationship, but I don’t want to go back to marriage. I suppose I could change my mind, but I don’t really see that happening.
    • Hi Liz, A long term relationship is non-committal without a marriage. Marriage means that the exit button is not of concern – long term means I need to keep my options open. Think and pray about it. Thanks for your comment.
  • These are great things to consider for those thinking about marriage.
  • Very true! Great tips to think about before getting married.
  • You are right on with all 5 points. Young women need to be spending a lot more time learning to be a good wife and mother than preparing for a wedding. Godly, older women need to step up to the plate, obey God and teach young women to love and obey their husbands!
  • I love this! There are so many people that I’ve heard say things like this. My husband got some advice before we got married “We don’t divorce, we only pray for death.” Sounds a bit weird but it kind of helps to remind us that it’s worth the effort to work things out no matter what the problem.
    • Hi Britney, I love that advice. If you get to the point where you are praying for death its time for an intervention. 🙂 Great reminder that marriage is permanent.
  • Some people will never be ready to marry; that’s life
    • Thanks for your comment Agata. Some people may not be ready, but there are a few ways to be better prepared. 🙂
  • Okay now what are the signs that marriage IS for you ? 🙂

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