“Single but looking” is a category that includes many women. Many women are looking for something. Here is my question: What are you looking for? Defining your standards helps you find the one you are looking for, instead accepting what you are looking at. I want to encourage every single woman who is preparing for marriage to be diligent in prayer and fasting for direction so that you will recognize the difference between God’s man and a good man (or good enough man). Here are three ways to define what you are looking for:
1. Look to the Word not the world to define a godly man!
The world is very upfront about what a man should have. I have heard it a million times: A.P.T. a C.A.R. He has to have his own. A nice car. A nice body wouldn’t hurt. In the old movies there was an emphasis on tall dark and handsome. Some women make their lists based on bad experiences they have gone through in the past: He can’t be divorced. He has to have a job. He better have a degree, or make more money than me. I’m not going to deal with baby mama drama. I want him to be taller than me. The list goes on and on. It is important to be attracted to your mate, but that’s not enough. That’s not all. I’m not diminishing the items on this list as totally irrelevant, but there are more important definers. What scriptures will you hold on to when praying for the man God has for you? What qualities does God value in a man? How can you get your heart set on agreeing with God so that you will know His will for your life? Everything else is shooting in the dark. You won’t ever know if you hit the bull’s eye because you can’t see. (Not being able to see makes you satisfied with any old thing, and that is the danger zone. We will talk about that more later in the series.) Check out these scriptures on a godly man, and ask God to show you how to pray in this area. Click here for scriptures on the definition of a godly man.
2. Stop settling for a “good” man!
In the pursuit of a husband, women sometimes settle for a “good” man. They push their definition of a godly man to the side in favor of a man who is nice, or who may purchase expensive gifts. Sometimes women date men who don’t attend church because they say, “He believes, he just doesn’t like church.” I have heard, “He is great with his kids.” or “He loves his mother alot.” Those things are nice and they are good, but they cannot be the determining factor in developing a relationship with someone. Here are a few questions? Does He love God? Does He love God enough to follow His commands? Does He belong to a body of believers who love God enough to follow His command of belonging to a body of believers? Is He actively pursuing the will of God through prayer and reading of His Word? Does He know the Word? Can He pray? Does He pray for himself? Could He possibly ever pray for you? Does He lead a lifestyle that you would consider Him as a pastor? Every Husband is the pastor of his household! So good, is not good enough. He doesn’t have to be a perfect man, but he has to be a man after God’s heart so that he will not pull you away from the Father, but push you closer to Him. A good man can’t do that, but a godly man can.
3. Don’t compare the man God has for you to any man you know – regardless of intention (father, exes, someone else husband, a great character on TV)
Some women fall for an old trick of the enemy. They can never see the blessing in any man they consider dating, because they are too busy placing Him up against the standard of another man (real or fictional). If romantic movies are blurring your vision of a godly man cut them off. If romance novels are conflicting with your standard of a godly relationship put them down. If you keep telling folks how good another woman’s husband is I want you to pause and examine your own heart. It is disrespectful to compare your man (whether you know who he is or not) to any other man. God has a man for you, and the best thing you can do to drive him away before you even meet him is compare him to another man as your standard. Let God’s guidelines be your standard. Not your experiences, not your wishes, not your desires, not your lust, not your favorite movie, not your favorite couple. JUST GOD. Eliminate this from your vocabulary: “I want my husband to be just like him.” Get it out of your mind and heart and you are one step closer to finding your spouse.
You won’t be disappointed.
For more on dating God’s way listen to this sermon from Pastor Paul Grodell. He is a teaching pastor at my church. His message will bless you as you seek God’s vision for your marriage. Click Here
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