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Who’s Driving – Are you a Submissive Wife? 3 Questions for Your Heart.

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I went to lunch with a young lady who was engaged to be married.  “My husband WILL NOT be my head, ” she said with conviction.  The statement troubled me and disturbed me.  I was quiet a moment then asked, “Then why get married?”

Single women drive themselves.  If driving is your thing, there is a place for that.  When you marry, you are saying I will let you drive me.  I will help you, but I won’t harm you.  I will willingly serve you and serve alongside you, but I won’t injure you with my pride.

Who is Really Driving? Some years back I had a crazy dream.  There was a big yellow school bus.  A bunch of people were on the bus, both adults and children.  I can remember the noise of laughter and fun chatter being so loud.  My husband and I were sitting next to each other and we were in shock.  We were terribly aware of something that was so dangerous and so life threatening that was happening but the rest of the bus seemed oblivious.  The bus was in motion, all the passengers were excitedly happy and not the least bit concerned that the husband was behind the wheel, but his wife had his eyes covered and was attempting to drive by yelling out, “LEFT, Right, A little more.  STOP! and other random  directions.

When sharing the dream with my husband I asked him, “Why doesn’t she just let him drive the bus?  It would be safer.”  He replied, “Because she thinks she knows better.”

Who are You Fooling? A wife that thinks she knows better than her husband, but creates a facade as if he is in charge is not fooling anyone.  It is very easy to see who is calling out the directions and making the decisions.  And that is a dangerous place that the wife puts her self in.  The dream showed me the danger.  You can shout out directions and call the shots, but God has called the husband to drive.  In order for the wife to appoint herself as head, she must limit her husband’s abilities.  You have to hurt the one that God ordained for you to help.  If you limit his leadership, you cut your own potential short.  The consequences – unhappy lives, unfulfilled dreams, broken families, broken hearts.

Who is Riding With You? “Why would all those people stay on the bus and not even say anything?  Their lives were in danger.”  Sometimes you don’t know the truth about who is driving, so you just go along for the ride.

There are people following you.  There are people depending on you for guidance and leadership whether they tell you or not.  The folks on the bus in the dream were happy just tagging along, not knowing that the ride could lead to hurt, harm, danger – even death.  Your children, your family, your younger cousins, the friends you’ve made along the way – they are following you.  When a wife is unsubmitted she puts everyone who watches her in danger.  God’s reputation is tarnished by an unsubmitted wife.

If you can’t promise to follow, can’t promise to allow yourself to be driven, can’t promise to submit – then you are recklessly living and heading for a crash that could hurt you and everyone else on your bus. Sure there will be times when your husband empowers you to drive, there will be times when he pushes you to lead – but you have to allow him to make that decision. 

What does it matter to God?  “Wives, submit yourselves to your husbands as you do to the Lord.”  Would you tell the Lord what to do?  Would you reject His direction?  Would you question His judgment?  Would you criticize His decisions?  If you treat your husband this way, then chances are you are treating the Lord the same way.  At the end of the day submission isn’t a power issue – its a heart issue.  The husbands have received their mandates from the Lord on how to lovingly care for a wife.  Wives we must decide to show our love for Christ by respecting the man He has given us in marriage by submitting to him as you do to the Lord.

HEART CHECK:  Are you submitting to your husband?  Are you submitting to the Lord?  Dr. Juli Slattery said, “Marriage is God’s chosen metaphor to describe the relationship that He desires with His church.”  Are you representing that picture by following your husband’s lead? Have your prayed for help in that area?  

Pray with me:

Dear Jesus,

Give me the discernment to see when I am limiting my husband’s leadership in favor of my own pride or selfish ambitions.  Lord place a reminder in my heart from Your Spirit that will remind me that You have called him to drive our family’s bus.  Lord help me to support his decisions, encourage his development, pray for his weaknesses, serve him with zeal, and love Him unconditionally.  Let me see You in Him.  Help me to agree with Him in prayer and embrace the one accord we find – only in You.  Guard my tongue that I my words will nourish him.  Guide my hands that they will never cut off his sight.  Bring my heart into joyful submission to him, and keep his heart in humble submission to You.  Help me to confess quickly and repent when I have fallen short of Your call to submit.  Keep me mindful of the eternal implications of blocking the rebellion of unsubmission.

In Jesus’ Name I Pray,


 Please leave a comment:  Why is submission such a difficult topic for women?  What questions or advice do you have for single women about submission?  What questions or advice do you have for married women about submission?  



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