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I Made Love Wrong


I was wondering the best way to share this.  I mean I want to say so many things, but I want to make sure its the right thing.  After all we want this blog to be a help to people and not just an airing of dirty laundry.  I gonna say it straight up.  I made love wrong.  I did it wrong and for the wrong reasons, and I’m gonna tell you two ways I made love and give you a few tips on how to do it better.

I made love a story.

 From the time I was a child I can remember falling hopelessly in love with the idea of romance.  I can remember wrapping my arms around the wooden post that supported the upstairs porch, wishing upon a star, and hoping – sometimes even praying that someday I would have someone to love me.  The only definition of love was what I derived from fairy tales.   I wanted someone to love me, someone to sweep me off my feet like the princesses on the television screen.  And so I rehearsed this fiction love. I didn’t know any of the details , but I knew that there would be dancing into the sunset, birds chirping, and a glorious happily ever after.  As I got older I felt myself chasing this idea love.  I was pursuing story book  love and often giving more than I ever wanted and just hoping – praying – wishing on a star for someone to love me back – fairy tale style.  The love that I idolized was fictitious, but I pursued it like it was real.  You know what happens when you pursue fiction in real life – disappointment.

Stop and Think:  What’s your definition of love?  Does it originate from what you’ve seen on tv?  

I made love complicated.  

Because I was chasing love without understanding what I was actually looking for, I complicated the path to experiencing love.    I placed myself in relationships that were so unusual and unadvised, but I thought love was hiding from me behind some kind of mask.  I allowed my time to be consumed by those who I was not attracted to or interested in.  I thought I had to force myself to tolerate these characters because (in my Snow White voice) one day my prince would come.  I didn’t want to miss him.   I thought I had to dig deep to find love.  The further I dug, the more I didn’t recognize that I was covered in dirt.  You can’t search for fiction and find reality.  You can’t dig in a landfill and not come up stinking.  I made love complicated by thinking I could create it from the unfavorable unlikely situations.  I don’t want you to make that mistake.

Here is the truth about love, “Love is patient. Love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.  Love never fails.”  1 Cor 13: 4 – 8  Love IS NOT HIDING FROM YOU!

Stop and Think:  Have you been looking for love in the wrong places?  Have you tolerated more than you should have in the past?  

When you make love a story you make love complicated.  If you are on either of these paths, I am begging you to pause, at least for a moment and listen.  I got off these paths, but not before some incidents that left my heart bleeding and my soul wounded, but I’m going to tell you how I got free.   This series will let you in on how my mind and heart changed so that I could stop making love wrong, and find out the truth about love.

Please share your thoughts on this below by leaving a comment.  Have you made love wrong?

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  • Thank you for sharing. Love isn’t an easy path, no matter which way you go.
  • Great insight! So who helped you form your ideas of what love means? What influenced your decisions?
    • Hi Jackie. I’m so glad you asked that question. I started thinking more about my ideas about love when my boyfriend and I (now he is my husband) started to seriously discuss marriage. We looked around and noticed that we had seen many marriages begin with all the love and promise in the world. We then watched those same marriages fail and didn’t want to go down that road. We talked with our pastor and really began a journey to define love biblically then evaluate our relationship and our friendships to see how we could show love better. From there we have continued to study the Word and try our best to live it out. At the core, I felt compelled by my decision to follow Christ to love more extravagantly. It’s a journey that never ends. Thank you for your question. Keep reading with us.
  • This is so true! I also started out on the wrong paths and it took me years to realize that fairytale love is only in fairytales. Thanks for sharing your story!
    • Hi Kendra. I think alot of women have an idea of love that comes from fairy tales. Now that I know the truth, I’m trying to make sure that my children have a better idea than I did. Thank you for your comment. Stay tuned for more.
  • Thank you so much for bringing this topic up, because I too was chasing love, my fairy tail story was having someone to show me how my father was supposed to love me.I always wanted to have that kind of father that would take his daughter out on a date and show her how a man was suppose to treat her. The man was suppose to pick her up, open the car door for her, take her to dinner and to a movie, and kiss her goodnight. I never had that with my father so I imagined finding a man that could take that role on, but to my surprise it was the total opposite, he didn’t open the car door for me, instead he beat me in the car, he never took me out to dinner, or to the movies. So I created love for myself by seeking God for guidance and thats when I was introduced to 1 corithians 13:4-8,. This scriptured taught me about love and after reading this scripture, even though it didn’t happen over night I still hit a couple of bumps in the road I still had something to look forward to when I thought about this passage, that love is patient, kind, it does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud,it is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easlily angered, it keeps not record of wrong, Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.” So I want to thank you for opening up this topic of discussion for woman like me who made love wrong.
    • Hi Teresa, You certainly aren’t alone. I’ve been thinking alot about this and what I’ve noticed is that the way we view love impacts the way we seek love. It seems as if the worldly view of love is flowers, cards, candy – romance. But true love is seeking the kingdom of God then letting the rest be added. The love scripture is the ultimate litmus test to determine is what we are experiencing is love. Patience, kindness, forgiveness, endurance and everything else that the Word tells us. Any definition of love outside of these is false – fleeting – and can be fatal (spiritually, emotionally and even physically.) Thank you so much for your comment. Stay tuned for the rest of this series.
  • I feel like I got the idea that my entire goal as a young person was to grow up and find a husband. I didn’t understand what marriage was supposed to be and how to cherish my single time instead of chasing a “disney princess” love. Maybe not all girls are as susceptible to media, but for some reason, (maybe my intense empathy for characters?) I responded to movies by absorption of the stories, fantasies, wish fulfillment, and spent my youth chasing those things. But I found misery in greater proportion than I could have imagined. God’s truths about who we are and what it means to love someone and share his life was not what I learned until I was married. I am not sure how to give my daughter a better chance to learn the right way, but I’m doing my best.
    • Hi Jennifer. I think the world is intentional about defining love, while the church is kind of passive about it. For my own children I can see where I need to be even more intentional about not only the images they are taking in, but the definitions they are forming about love. I will probably be blogging on how to teach your children about love soon. Sign up for my email updates here Thank you for your comment.
  • Great article! Love and marriage is not always easy. I think that sometimes we expect more from our partners than we do ourselves. We have to always remember that it goes two ways. Thank you for sharing!
  • Thank you for sharing! I definitely want to share this with so many other young women who might be going down the rabbit hole! Using any other standard to define love except the Bible is a recipe for disaster- in any relationship! And Christian, married women are guilty of it too!
  • I’ve made a ton of mistakes in this department too. Thank Heavens for a husband who is loving and a God who is forgiving!
  • I am so blessed ever day with my man. Love and Respect, communication is key to a healthy/happy marriage
  • This is a great post. I think when you quit trying so hard to find love you can actually stop and see it. It’s probably right in front of you and you just don’t realize it. My husband and I will be married for 10 years and that’s how it happened for us.
  • Thankfully I grew up being taught what true love is, I know many who haven’t been as blessed though. Thank you for sharing your experience and allowing God to work through you.

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